The Move

It finally hit me, in about seven weeks I'll be moving... again, how could this be possible?  It feels like I just moved here to Norwalk just days ago, and already I'm moving again.  Where? I don't know, I mean I do, but I can't say.  I'm so afraid, more afraid than I have ever felt before about anything and I can't even explain why.  Today I realized that life isn't going to be the same once September comes and our lease is up.  September 15Th to be exact, and we can't escape it, I wish we could but its probably for the best somehow.

Today I admitted to the boy that I'm paranoid, afraid, nervous, anxious, heart wrenched... We're supposed to move to New York City, shouldn't we be excited about it?  I try to think about it and all the great things that may come of it but I'm just so unsettled in every other aspect of my life that I don't feel free.  Something makes me feel completely tied down and I have yet to figure out what it is.  Day in and day out I try to make a plan about what I'm going to do next and I fail at it because something else obstructs everything.  

I realize my sisters will still be here in Connecticut, and my Parents are down in Florida.. and as close in distance as my sisters will be, I'm going to feel completely alone.  Besides the boy I won't know a soul in the city, every face will be new, and just the thought rips me apart inside.  Will this make me grow differently than I have since I moved out of my parents house almost two years ago? Am I going to grow differently than the way I am right now?  There's more to be said and plenty to sort out, more than I could think to handle right now. I guess I'll have to come back to this.