I'VE BEEN SHARKED!!!

IT's SHARK WEEK!  Scary, Fierce creatures at the top of my list of things that freak me out, Sharks have been around for eons, since before dinosaurs and I can't pinpoint what it is that amazes me about them.  Every Summer The Discovery Channel has a special on Sharks in which they air any kind of show that has to do with sharks, how they hunt, where they hunt, what they hunt, idiots that allow themselves to be attacked or anything you could possibly think of when it comes to these frightening Motha'h Fuck'ahs!!!!

The Move

It finally hit me, in about seven weeks I'll be moving... again, how could this be possible?  It feels like I just moved here to Norwalk just days ago, and already I'm moving again.  Where? I don't know, I mean I do, but I can't say.  I'm so afraid, more afraid than I have ever felt before about anything and I can't even explain why.  Today I realized that life isn't going to be the same once September comes and our lease is up.  September 15Th to be exact, and we can't escape it, I wish we could but its probably for the best somehow.

Today I admitted to the boy that I'm paranoid, afraid, nervous, anxious, heart wrenched... We're supposed to move to New York City, shouldn't we be excited about it?  I try to think about it and all the great things that may come of it but I'm just so unsettled in every other aspect of my life that I don't feel free.  Something makes me feel completely tied down and I have yet to figure out what it is.  Day in and day out I try to make a plan about what I'm going to do next and I fail at it because something else obstructs everything.  

I realize my sisters will still be here in Connecticut, and my Parents are down in Florida.. and as close in distance as my sisters will be, I'm going to feel completely alone.  Besides the boy I won't know a soul in the city, every face will be new, and just the thought rips me apart inside.  Will this make me grow differently than I have since I moved out of my parents house almost two years ago? Am I going to grow differently than the way I am right now?  There's more to be said and plenty to sort out, more than I could think to handle right now. I guess I'll have to come back to this.  

X Bank

I work for X bank and today was just as annoying as any other day, only there's been more bullshit added onto our do and don't list. Apparently our manager doesn't want anyone to accept any personal phone calls what so ever, except only in case of an emergency. Which... I understand to a certain extent, clearly I wouldn't talk on the phone at any time in the middle of a customer, that's just common sense and plain rude. God forbid if any customer hangs up their cell phone though, which is one of my biggest pet peeves. Anyhow, I don't think it's really anyones business who's on the other end of someones phone call, or what it's about. Another thing they're trying to pull over on us is our start time. Which through policy states that our start time includes, training, morning meetings, and set up time, where as the manager wants for everyone to get in 10 minutes ahead of their scheduled time and claims personnel will vouch and say either the same thing, or that it's up to the managers discretion. If it is in fact up to the managers discretion I'd like to understand why it is that we were required to take training on time entry and why there's a clear list of requirements and procedures. I'd also like to know if say we do start going in 10 minutes earlier everyday, does that mean we're going to be compensated for that time as well? Considering that policy states you're to enter your time into the system to the minute, from start to finish, and that managers are not allowed to edit your time entry. It also states that we're supposed to be receive overtime for any amount of time worked past your regularly scheduled 40 hours. X bank contradicts itself when it comes to their policies and procedures, and with what they tell their employees, sometimes I feel it may only be a thing that occurs at a branch level, but how am I supposed to figure that out if anytime I've called HR for advice and counsel you're basically told that it's up to the manager, for everything.

I've dedicated nearly 5 years of my life to working here, and have yet to be compensated annually for just being an employee. I can't remember the last time I was given an actual raise, when I tell people this they're pretty much amazed a company could get away with this. X Bank believes in quarterly incentives, which is the only way one person could ever make any extra money, by doing what's required. What's required went from referring products and services, to engaging in conversation with customers in order to find hidden clues by asking open ended questions. Doing so is supposed to help you uncover what a specific customers needs really are, and from that... you refer, or advise them on what you believe is best. Now, with the way the economy is today, it's either my luck or just everything else going on but NO ONE wants to hear anything now a days. I find customers are content with the fact that they're money is still available to them, I say for two reasons, recent bank closures and because recently I was bitched at when I simply wanted to offer a customer a better rate than what they were currently receiving. I did nothing wrong and exactly what was required of me and got shafted. Now I just have to remind myself that it's only time until I can get another job and that getting frustrated isn't really all that worth it anymore. X Bank, or rather Bank Of America doesn't really seem to care much for it's employee's... From day one, I knew it would turn out this way, meetings we attended, conference calls we've all had made me feel uncomfortable from the beginning. I always felt like I've been working for a cult.

So 80's 2!!

I'm sitting here watching yet another 80's movie... trend much?  Girls Just Want To Have Fun has been on for the past hour and it's SO old that Sarah Jessica Parker is sporting what has to be the World's bushiest eyebrows - ever!  Poor thing, what was she thinking?  I'm sure it embarrasses even to this day, but it's the typical movie, about a girl with an army vet for a father who rebels and secretly tries out for this dance competition to with a spot on Dance TV, and that's it, nothing further.  It reminds me so much of one of those after school specials, the kind with the obvious message (ie, "don't do drugs", "teen pregnancy") only I don't really know what message this movie is really giving out besides... "I'm 80's and have bushy eyebrows!"

Today was a good day

Ahh... Sunday.

This was probably one of the most active Sundays I've had in quite sometime, make that the most active weekend.  I worked Saturday of course, after that I headed over to Waterbury to Help out the Boys Dad get his things out of the house since it's finally sold.  There's a lot that goes on in my mind when I think about everything and anything to do with that part of my life, or rather the Boys life.  As uncomfortable as it felt to actually go there I still went, I went to help out, I went to be there for them, being a part of their family now for such a long time I think I'm allowed to say that it affects me just as well.  It obviously isn't the same, but it still does.  Anyways, I'm not going into that right now, as I said, more on that later. 

As you know, no trip to Waterbury is complete without stopping for some good home cooking at his Grandmother's house.  I think I finally fell in love with slimy seafood again!  We had linguine with clams, and mussels, which were by far the best tasting mussels EVER!  Leave it to his Grandma to hook it up with everything under the sun, even amaretto, not that she did, but if you'd let her, she would.  

Today was great though, and probably one of the ways I'd like to spend every Sunday for the rest of the summer.  We all got up fairly early this morning, which the exception of the Boy, who apparently needs more sleep than others, such a prissy bitch.  Anyways, once we were all up and ready, we headed to the beach, again... the Boy and I were late in meeting the rest of the D-10 because... he was being a... Princess.  We spent a few hours at the beach, literally baking ourselves under the sun.  I think it's safe to say we all look like tomatoes right now, some of us have marks from where we assume we were stung by a couple of jellyfish.  

After a day at the beach we ended up at Red Lobster, what are the odds?! I mean!  =) I'm kidding.  I had an orgasmic dinner myself, called Hawaiian Isles Shrimp & Salmon.  The delicious entree consisted of Crispy jumbo coconut shrimp, paired with spicy pineapple-glazed fresh salmon topped with toasted macadamia nuts and coconut.  Served with wild rice pilaf and pina colada sauce.  I fell in LOVE with the salmon, and the pina colada sauce was... saucy enough to drink!  Everyone knows you can't eat something so good without the perfect drink, and today I had a Sunset Passion Pina Colada, one of my favorites!  

Our waitress ended up being a 10 with everything, from service to friendliness and even comfortable enough to be funny with us when it was needed.  Her name was Tina and she had recently moved up here from down south with her husband.  Both her husband and her are looking for an accountant, so the Boy made himself a new contact since being an accountant is basically what he does for a living. 

All in all this weekend was good, I found time to relax, enjoy myself and the company of others as well as do a couple of fun things together that we all enjoy. 

Allergies

Leave it to me to be the only person probably on the face of the planet with allergies in the middle of July, or maybe it just seems that way.  I can't help but feel completely miserable since last weekend, I found myself getting worse and worse until I finally brought myself to the clinic down the street to see a Doctor.  

Thirty minutes  and $63 dollars later all I have is a really bad case of allergies, or so I'm assuming since the Doctor never actually diagnosed me!  I was given one prescription for a Nasonex, that was $25 after insurance, then I had to get Mucinex D, which was another $15, and Alavert... which fortunately I was able to find in CVS brand for $8.49, add the $15 copay and WHAM!  I pretty much got bitch slapped like a $2 ho!  

Anyhow, hopefully that's enough to get me back to sleeping, even if for just a couple of hours here or there.  I think I would pay anything not to have a night like last night where I didn't really fall asleep... at all.  I think I finally gave up on breathing like a normal person around 3am and passed out around 4am.  It was absolutely horrible, I felt restless, irritable, desperate, anxious... all I wanted was to be able to BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE!! 

IN OTHER NEWS!!

A driver and his 10 year old son were in this pick up truck when the driver apparently thought the awning might just raise itself up for his trailer... because awnings do that? 

I'd like to know why this idiot wasn't pulling under the awning at my bank... because that would make things a little more interesting at work, as if we already don't see enough freaks around and about in Meriden. 

So 80's!!

Some Kind Of Wonderful

Wow, talk about flash back!  I can't help but stare at my TV with this HUGE GRIN on my face!  I remember watching this movie with my sisters way back in the day!  The typical love triangle between high school students, only it's 1987 and much sweeter than any 90's or 2000's teen flick. 

Synopsis:

A young tomboy, Watts, finds her feelings for her best friend, Keith, run deeper than just friendship when he gets a date with the most popular girl in school.  Unfortunately, the girls old boyfriend, who is from the rich section of town, is unable to let go of her, and plans to get back at Keith. 

Dinner tonight was good, we decided on going to TGIFriday's simply because I had a gift card and was clearly not about to spend any more money, of course Friday's is probably one of my favorite chain restaurants too.  I went simple and ordered Jack Daniel's Chicken Strips and side of their potatoes and one of their Strawberry Lemonade Slushes.  It was enjoyable, even though our waiter was clearly a new hire,  I never got my lemonade until my meal came out, and he made it very clear he had forgotten about it.  I felt bad, even if I was kind of annoyed, I always do that though, I feel pity for someone who may not always know what they're doing, where as anyone else would just be really bitchy to them.  Anyhow, I hope he works on his memory because next time... he'll be sure to get one the biggest bitches he'll ever wait on.  

Sick

I don't feel good at all. :(

I had burnt my mouth earlier this week on none other than oatmeal (yum) and now... I can't even swallow without my ears popping.  

Someone, call the Wambulance! 

Right now we're supposed to head out to dinner and as hungry as I am, suddenly I'm not even in the mood.  What bit me?  Was it an actual bug or am I just being a poop about everything? 

Boyfriend Brownies

Boy was this a fast week, it seems like yesterday I was just dreading being alone for three days or so on Tuesday and it's already Saturday night.  Why does it seem like time just goes by faster and faster?  I can't believe I've lived here in Norwalk for almost a year now when it feels like I just moved here yesterday.  Where have I been? I feel like all this time has just been taken away from me.  I hardly did much of what I wanted to do when it comes to work and school and although mentally I think I know what I'm supposed to be doing, or what my next step should be, I find myself still dragging along.  Right now I would like to be in school, and by now I mean this very minute on a Saturday night!  Just so I could feel like I'm back to taking my steps again. 

I let myself do a lot of thinking this past few days, asking myself what I wanted out of life right now, my job, and relationship and at the moment I found answers, well sorta.  Anytime I thought about what I wanted and it happened to make sense for that single moment, I quickly lost it and found myself second guessing everything.  Why do I always do that? Why can I not just think of something and just go with it?  It's exactly how I was in High School, granted I wasn't so free spirited about the same things and they weren't dependent on the distant future but back then when I wanted something, I would totally go for it.  

So I spent the end of the week alone working and just enjoying my own company, doing whatever, watching TV, going to the gym, etc, etc... and even baking!  Yes sir!!! I made brownies for the boy, figured it'd be a nice gesture especially considering I missed him (even though he probably doesn't think so), not to mention... these suckers were easy to bake thanks to Duncan Hines.  Stop & Shop had a bangin' sale this week on quite a few goodies, from yogurts, to breakfast food, cakes, brownies, beverages, and.. you get the picture.  I will say I've become quite the chef lately, or so I'll have you believe.  I'm baking a cake this weekend as a late Birthday present for the boy which is definitely going to be intoxicating!  It's going to be a Double Layer Strawberry Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting.  Trust, I won't let myself have much of it, which is why I'm hoping everyone else just inhales it all in one day. 

Speaking of inhaled, tonight the boy and I decided to make dinner (a first in a long time) and it was oh so freaking good!  We're both obsessed with Cubed Steak & Onions and it's exactly what we made, Spanish Cubed Steak & Onions with White Rice, Red Kidney Beans, and a salad on the side.  We seasoned the meat last night and let it marinate until this afternoon in oil & vinegar w/Vidalia Onions.  I don't think it could have soaked up any more flavor, that's how tasty they were.  I'm a fan of black pepper so i went pepper happy with the kidney beans, which, as spicy as it was, was fantastic!  (Note: Going forward I'll post pictures of any successful home cooked meals)

Did I really just sit through Alien, Aliens, and Aliens 3?  It must be late. 

Penny Candy

Kerry Degman

Best known for being JC Penny's American Living Campaign Model

Seriously though... you know some gay guy is working for Marketing at Penny's. 

[photos courtesy of m.b.m.]

... great

I'm not going to sell my car, I can't. The day was going fine and I don't even know how it started, but the boy says if I move with him I have to get rid of my car, I don't want to, i refuse.  I had the car for two years now and I can't see myself just going from having a car, to suddenly not having on, regardless of the fact that it wouldn't be used in the City IF I decide to go.  What happens, say if I do move into the city live there for however long (not long because I won't allow it) then move out of the city and suddenly need a car, what am I just supposed to go out and start all over again?  Makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever.  

Boys Birthday

I had an amazing time this past weekend in NYC partying it up with the boy and a few friends.  I know I wasn't in the mood before hand but as the day had gone by I opened up more and allowed myself to forget everything else and enjoy the moment.  We went to a Chinese place for dinner called "Silk Road Palace" on the upper west side.

Silk Road Palace

Szuchuan Chinese Restaurant

447 Amsterdam Ave, New York 10024

Between 81st & 82nd St.

Phone: 1.212.580.3465

Who could complain? I mean... it was Chinese and cheap, the value was good and prices were excellent.  I didn't believe we'd actually get free wine, but it's true and we sure did.  From the moment we actually walked in as a group til we left they served us free wine, granted it was boxed but it was $free.99!  After mooching off of the free wine for about 2 hours, listening to the drunk group of guys sing a bunch of 90's songs and just chatting it up we grabbed a cab and headed to the lower east side. 

The rest of our night was spent at One and One, an Irish pub / Hip Hop Club all in one.  I know, I found it to be a strange combo but strange is good.  We opened up a tab and kept the drinks coming all night long.  Already being buzzed off of the $free.99 wine we didn't find it that hard chug down a few at a time.  Prices there weren't bad either, granted our group had quite a few tabs opened up but even so, ours was only just over $30.00 including tip.  Below are pictures of how my boys Birthday Celebration had gone. 

The night was fantastic... I know this because I simply forgot half of what had gone on after midnight and needed pictures to remember it all. Also I passed out in the car on our way home and woke up with a bagel at hand and cream cheese all over the place,  ...maybe it wasn't cream cheese after all.   ;)

The City

Apparently I'm going back into the City tonight w/the Boy and some friends.  I'm not too sure how I feel about that, right now I'm extremely exhausted and broker than I don't know what.  How about this morning I woke up thirty minutes late and dragged ass getting ready for work, all I can think about is throwing on some lounge wear and being lazy for the rest of the day. 

It is his Birthday this weekend so I'll make the extra effort, even if I have to pimp myself out for a couple of drinks here and there, I'll survive right? Who wouldn't wanna buy me a drink?

This morning waiting outside of work

I finally started free weights again!

The Third

Today, work was intense and full of the worlds biggest idiots.  I'm glad it's done and over with because I was literally on the verge or cursing someone out.  Bad enough I yelled at someone for just being complete waste of space.  I mean, come on - some things are just common sense. 

So other than that, I was fine on my way home, called my Mom and spoke with her for a while, she was just getting things ready for their big day at the beach tomorrow.  I miss them SO much.  July 4Th in my family was always a big deal, year after year we would go all out, literally bringing our entire homes Rocky Neck State Park.  It was always a race with hundreds of others throughout the state to see who can get there first and the best picnic spot in the entire park.  So many memories, and trips back and forth to the car dragging supplies back and forth, listening to my Dad bitch about how he was left to do all the work, carry all the stuff (literally), set up the canopy, start the grill... none of which was ever really his "thing" but he was always stuck doing it year after year, even though he swore he was never going to do it again.  I feel bad now for laughing at him all those times.   

This year, I'm not really doing anything for the 4Th, nothing major was planned at all.  My sisters have made their own plans, one's going to the beach and the other to her husbands family's house for a cookout.  It bothers me, a whole lot... not that I would have joined either but more because we aren't doing anything with each other.  I thought since we all stilled lived fairly close to each other that we would at least plan something out in advance.  I'm over it, I'm over it... no - I'm really not but there's nothing I could do about that now, is there?

So today I found out the boy actually knows about this blog.  How does that make me feel? Weird, but fine I suppose.  I don't really know why I thought maybe he wouldn't find it, or figure out I was writing on here but he does and that's fine.  Be warned... I'm not holding back. 

Sun Burn!

View of the sky, obviously

  
Yes! 

I know it's rather unhealthy to be glad about getting burned by the sun, I just can't help it!  It actually makes me feel like summer is here!  Laying out under the bright sun and puffy white clouds was AMAZING!  If you're as big a fan of beaches as I am along with sun bathing, than you understand exactly where I'm coming from.  

 

View from Sherwood Island's East Beach

Connecticut beaches aren't tropical but they'll do, even if you sometimes can't see your feet through the water, and it's more green and blurry than clear and blue.  I love it!!!

View of... yeah. You get it.